When I was a little girl, I was the type of kid that like to play outside all the time. Everyday I was out soaking up the Texas sun and playing with the neighborhood friends. Playing outdoors had its cost though. There were numerous times I would fall down or get hurt in some way, whether it be a small scratch or a bloody disaster.
Today, as odd as this may sound, I was inspecting one of my oldest and biggest scars on my right knee. I couldn't help but smile thinking of how I earned it. I was riding on my bike in Arkansas, going down a hill standing with one foot on the bike seat, the other high in the air as if I were an ice skater, while my hands were holding on to the handle bars. For a few moments I held a strong pose (and did not look as graceful as the ice skaters do mind you) but when I tried to come back down I was going too fast to hold my balance, and I fell onto the cement road. I was left with gashes, bruises, and scratches of all sorts, and the biggest mark made was on my right knee.
That tumble down the hill was years ago and the scar, which once was about the size of my knee, is smaller and has faded to where it is barely noticeable.
Lately I have been picking at old wounds. The problem is, the wounds are still fresh and haven't had time to heal like the scar on my knee has. They are not wounds that are barely detectable at first glance, but wounds that still have color to them. Injuries that I have experienced within a year.
Although I am dating and love my boyfriend Koto, I still have had trouble with my ex, Deedle. Whenever I am home, and I happen to run into him, we attempt to be civil. We say our pleasantries and move on. The problem is, my wound with Deedle is still young. No, it's not fresh and my love with Koto has been like ointment to my injury, but it still feels as if someone is attempting to reopen that wound which I have waited what has seemed so long to heal. It is not like I still love Deedle or that I want to be with him. I just feel that bitterness between us and it simply makes me sad.
Another wound that is fresh and will still continue to bleed occasionally is my dear friend Mr. Don, who is no longer here. I know this will simply take time, but every now and then something probes that wound and I feel like it will never stop bleeding.
The good news is, like the injury on my knee, these wounds will heal and become scars. Scars are a funny thing. At first you hate the wound, you are hurt and upset. Some take more time then others, but eventually we almost forget it's there. A scar starts to take place, and there are those moments where you stare for minutes, memorizing the shape while you think of how it all began. Then, some scars you barely notice, and if you do it's just a part of who you are. It will always be there and you learn to accept that.
Our wounds are how we learn, and reopening them is how we grow even if that's difficult. Our injuries and problems come with each passing year, and we use that experience to move forward into the new year.
Looking back on 2011, I experienced wounds that I can't help but flinching a little still when I think about them. But I will use all of the pain and hurt I had to prepare for the new year.
So, 2011 I believe a thanks is in order...you gave me some heartache and trouble, but you also gave me great blessings. I have fallen in love, gotten a better idea of what I want to do in life, gotten closer to my loved ones, and learned several lessons that I will keep with me always.You have prepared me for next year and the ones following.
Farewell 2011, I move forward and anticipate the arrival of 2012. One day you will be remembered as the year that left me with old wounds.
Until Next Time,
Snoodle Doodle Jr.
Friday, December 30, 2011
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
So Long Dear Friend
Mr. Don is officially out of this world. He died December 12th, and I fortunately was able to make it to his funeral. It was a beautiful service at the Veterans funeral home, but it was also the saddest thing I've ever been to. He would have loved it though.
At the end of the service several people I hadn't seen in a while came up to talk to me. We reminisced about Mr. Don and how great he was, and it made me realize how impacting of a person he was. To many, it may seem he was just your typical southern man that liked to hunt, fish, and drink beer. But he was such an amazing friend and all who knew him loved him.
His wife also spoke to me at the end of the service and asked if I come by her house before I go back to school to pick up a present I gave him when I was a little girl. It was a small sculpture of a mountain man, since that's what Mr. Don always thought he was. He said he was born a hundred years too late. She told me he wanted me to have it. His granddaughter who I use to play with all the time, gave me a yellow rose that was placed on the casket, and we exchanged a hug and a look but no words were spoken.
The only person who I didn't know that spoke to me after the funeral was the funeral director. She told me that Mr. Don and his wife spoke highly of me and I was brought up several times. She also said Mr. Don viewed me as a daughter.
His funeral, the people and their words, and that yellow rose all about broke my heart. There are random moments where I just start to tear up, even at the most unusual times. I know he wouldn't want me to be sad, and he'd want me to go on and live up my Christmas holidays but it is so difficult. I just miss my friend.
Life will continue on though, and the best I can do is make him proud. I think of him in heaven, happy and singing with his friendly southern drawl making all sorts of friends there. And even though there is no beer in heaven, I'll pretend he's sitting back with a can in his hand and smiling down on me.
So long Mr. Don, I love you and will always miss you.
Until Next Time,
Snoodle Doodle Jr.
At the end of the service several people I hadn't seen in a while came up to talk to me. We reminisced about Mr. Don and how great he was, and it made me realize how impacting of a person he was. To many, it may seem he was just your typical southern man that liked to hunt, fish, and drink beer. But he was such an amazing friend and all who knew him loved him.
His wife also spoke to me at the end of the service and asked if I come by her house before I go back to school to pick up a present I gave him when I was a little girl. It was a small sculpture of a mountain man, since that's what Mr. Don always thought he was. He said he was born a hundred years too late. She told me he wanted me to have it. His granddaughter who I use to play with all the time, gave me a yellow rose that was placed on the casket, and we exchanged a hug and a look but no words were spoken.
The only person who I didn't know that spoke to me after the funeral was the funeral director. She told me that Mr. Don and his wife spoke highly of me and I was brought up several times. She also said Mr. Don viewed me as a daughter.
His funeral, the people and their words, and that yellow rose all about broke my heart. There are random moments where I just start to tear up, even at the most unusual times. I know he wouldn't want me to be sad, and he'd want me to go on and live up my Christmas holidays but it is so difficult. I just miss my friend.
Life will continue on though, and the best I can do is make him proud. I think of him in heaven, happy and singing with his friendly southern drawl making all sorts of friends there. And even though there is no beer in heaven, I'll pretend he's sitting back with a can in his hand and smiling down on me.
So long Mr. Don, I love you and will always miss you.
Until Next Time,
Snoodle Doodle Jr.
Friday, December 2, 2011
The Good Books
One of the best things ever, is when the book that you are currently reading is so good that you don't want to do anything else but read it. You read it at work, you read it during class, you take it to you wherever you go even though you know you won't be able to read any of it. That book that you stay up reading at night when you had a long day and you're exhausted, have another early morning and long day ahead of you, but you still continue to stay up in the dim light and read.
I haven't had one of those books in a while I feel. Maybe it's because I don't read as often as I use to, and I don't have as much opportunity to get many of those good books. Even still, I haven't read a good solid book in a while. It has left me feeling grumpy,antsy, and I can't wait to get my hands on one.
I'm missing the good books. Fingers crossed, I'll get a hold of one soon.
Until Next Time,
Snoodle Doodle Jr.
I haven't had one of those books in a while I feel. Maybe it's because I don't read as often as I use to, and I don't have as much opportunity to get many of those good books. Even still, I haven't read a good solid book in a while. It has left me feeling grumpy,antsy, and I can't wait to get my hands on one.
I'm missing the good books. Fingers crossed, I'll get a hold of one soon.
Until Next Time,
Snoodle Doodle Jr.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Our Things
Every person has their own "thing" or two that, without it, they have trouble functioning.
Take Big Doodle for example. If he does not write, he literally gets stressed out. Grouchy, antsy, nervous even. His "thing" that he can't do without is writing.(No exaggeration)
Mama Doodle's "thing" is reading. Without a good ol' book to read before bedtime, Mama Doodle probably could not fall asleep (No exaggeration)
Little Doodle's "thing" that she can't do without is a literal item. Her cell phone. She not only would cry without her little baby, but crawl to her room and cry herself to sleep. (Maybe a little exaggeration)
Snoodle Doodle Jr. has a few "things" I suppose, but the main one is working out. If I do not work out I get anxious, cranky, moody, annoyed, you name it. I have certainly gotten better over the years I will say, mainly because I don't have as much time to work out, and my body has adjusted to it. A few years ago, I would toss and turn at night when I did not get exercise. I was in a sport all my life, and in high school my main sports were waterpolo and swimming. With sports, working out was obviously part of the job, so I would kill two birds in one stone during practice- I would get my work out in so I could ease my nerves, and I would get better at my sport. Now that I'm in college I still play a sport, but in the off season we are not allowed as many hours as we were in high school. This means every other type of exercise we wish to do, we must do on our own.(No exaggeration)
This past Thanksgiving break, although amazing in so many ways, I did not do a lick of exercise. I went five days without working out in any sort of way or form. Now, I may sound whiny and all, but this has left me with so much anxiety and jitters that is hard to explain. Thinking back on it, it was my own fault and I should have gotten off my lazy butt and done something productive.
Then again, I think sometimes we do need a break from our little "things" that we rely on so much. Yes, it is good to work out,read, or write. But it is also good to sit back and focus on other perspectives in life. Like a family who I don't get to see but every six months, and loves me so much. Or my boyfriend who was accepted and well liked by my parents who can be hard to please.
And it is nice, sometimes, and only sometimes, to not work out and instead relax. To not move for a moment and just think of all the good in life. No exaggeration.
Until Next Time,
Snoodle Doodle Jr.
Take Big Doodle for example. If he does not write, he literally gets stressed out. Grouchy, antsy, nervous even. His "thing" that he can't do without is writing.(No exaggeration)
Mama Doodle's "thing" is reading. Without a good ol' book to read before bedtime, Mama Doodle probably could not fall asleep (No exaggeration)
Little Doodle's "thing" that she can't do without is a literal item. Her cell phone. She not only would cry without her little baby, but crawl to her room and cry herself to sleep. (Maybe a little exaggeration)
Snoodle Doodle Jr. has a few "things" I suppose, but the main one is working out. If I do not work out I get anxious, cranky, moody, annoyed, you name it. I have certainly gotten better over the years I will say, mainly because I don't have as much time to work out, and my body has adjusted to it. A few years ago, I would toss and turn at night when I did not get exercise. I was in a sport all my life, and in high school my main sports were waterpolo and swimming. With sports, working out was obviously part of the job, so I would kill two birds in one stone during practice- I would get my work out in so I could ease my nerves, and I would get better at my sport. Now that I'm in college I still play a sport, but in the off season we are not allowed as many hours as we were in high school. This means every other type of exercise we wish to do, we must do on our own.(No exaggeration)
This past Thanksgiving break, although amazing in so many ways, I did not do a lick of exercise. I went five days without working out in any sort of way or form. Now, I may sound whiny and all, but this has left me with so much anxiety and jitters that is hard to explain. Thinking back on it, it was my own fault and I should have gotten off my lazy butt and done something productive.
Then again, I think sometimes we do need a break from our little "things" that we rely on so much. Yes, it is good to work out,read, or write. But it is also good to sit back and focus on other perspectives in life. Like a family who I don't get to see but every six months, and loves me so much. Or my boyfriend who was accepted and well liked by my parents who can be hard to please.
And it is nice, sometimes, and only sometimes, to not work out and instead relax. To not move for a moment and just think of all the good in life. No exaggeration.
Until Next Time,
Snoodle Doodle Jr.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
November The Weird With Many Beards
The month of November is a strange one. It could just be from my perspective, but it's pretty darn weird.
Personally, this will be a month of much writing. The NanoWrimo began November 1st. It is an organization where an individual will write a novel of atleast 50,000 words in 30 days and 30 nights. This will be my first time trying to win. To win, one must just complete the thing, there isn't an actual prize of the best books picked out or anything. So far I haven't been doing so hot. I've got a little less than 4,000 words and I should be going at a pace of 1,667 a day. But maybe I will have a comeback.
I also just so happen to have two major research papers due this month, as well as other smaller papers for classes, and an occasional article I will write for my school newspaper. Like I said, just a lot of writing this month for me. I do not mean this to complain, more like a venting sort of thing.
The other strange thing about the start of November is "No shave November" which is where men will let their beards grow out for the whole month with a shaggy, manly look for men's cancer awareness. Already I can begin to see who will be participating in this event.
November also holds the day of my birth. Here's the thing about my birthday though...generally people will be slightly excited for their birthdays. Me on the other hand, I get anxious and dread the day. Weird, random, usually not-so-great stuff happens on my birthday. Like I said, weird November.
Koto's birthday is in November too, but this I am actually looking forward to. I have some pretty big plans for him, and fingers crossed, they will all work out smoothly and he will be happy.
I will be going home to visit my family in the south for Thanksgiving at the end of the month. This is a little different too, seeing as last year I didn't get to go down. But that's not the only difference...Koto will be coming with me. Yep...Koto is going to meet the Doodle family. I'm not sure why I thought it was such a great idea but I guess its better sooner than later? He's going to have to see how crazy they all are at some point. Luckily he's a good spirit and will excuse their odd ways.
November is just weird to me. And full of beards.
Until Next Time,
Snoodle Doodle Jr.
Personally, this will be a month of much writing. The NanoWrimo began November 1st. It is an organization where an individual will write a novel of atleast 50,000 words in 30 days and 30 nights. This will be my first time trying to win. To win, one must just complete the thing, there isn't an actual prize of the best books picked out or anything. So far I haven't been doing so hot. I've got a little less than 4,000 words and I should be going at a pace of 1,667 a day. But maybe I will have a comeback.
I also just so happen to have two major research papers due this month, as well as other smaller papers for classes, and an occasional article I will write for my school newspaper. Like I said, just a lot of writing this month for me. I do not mean this to complain, more like a venting sort of thing.
The other strange thing about the start of November is "No shave November" which is where men will let their beards grow out for the whole month with a shaggy, manly look for men's cancer awareness. Already I can begin to see who will be participating in this event.
November also holds the day of my birth. Here's the thing about my birthday though...generally people will be slightly excited for their birthdays. Me on the other hand, I get anxious and dread the day. Weird, random, usually not-so-great stuff happens on my birthday. Like I said, weird November.
Koto's birthday is in November too, but this I am actually looking forward to. I have some pretty big plans for him, and fingers crossed, they will all work out smoothly and he will be happy.
I will be going home to visit my family in the south for Thanksgiving at the end of the month. This is a little different too, seeing as last year I didn't get to go down. But that's not the only difference...Koto will be coming with me. Yep...Koto is going to meet the Doodle family. I'm not sure why I thought it was such a great idea but I guess its better sooner than later? He's going to have to see how crazy they all are at some point. Luckily he's a good spirit and will excuse their odd ways.
November is just weird to me. And full of beards.
Until Next Time,
Snoodle Doodle Jr.
Monday, October 31, 2011
Happy Halloween!
It was quite the Halloween weekend. On Friday night I was Robin....
On Saturday night Koto and I were Tyler Durden and Marla Singer from the movie "Fight Club"
Then on Sunday night-last night-one of my housemates, Eureka, was Fred Flintstone and I was Pebbles.
I kind of went all out. I can't decide if I should be proud or embarrassed.
Hope everyone has a safe Halloween!
Until Next Time,
Snoodle Doodle Jr.
On Saturday night Koto and I were Tyler Durden and Marla Singer from the movie "Fight Club"
Then on Sunday night-last night-one of my housemates, Eureka, was Fred Flintstone and I was Pebbles.
I kind of went all out. I can't decide if I should be proud or embarrassed.
Hope everyone has a safe Halloween!
Until Next Time,
Snoodle Doodle Jr.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Confession Booth
It is time for me to confess a few things.
1. I confess that I want to be a writer. I don't know what kind exactly, but it would be so amazing to be a TV writer or just to write a novel. The catch? I don't want to write crap. Even if I had a great opportunity, I don't think I'd go through with it if my work was trash. I'd much rather have some dignity and respect.
2. I confess that my own governor pisses me off. Don't get me wrong, I agree with a lot of his views. I really do. BUT....he embarrasses me. He honestly truly embarrasses me. In philosophy class my professor- who is a complete socialist- always makes fun of Perry, and will always ask my input. I try to defend my governor on some levels, but it is becoming pretty difficult. I really think the man means well, he just becomes too extreme and scares people away with how he expresses his views.
3. I confess that every time a person doesn't hold the door open for me- when they clearly are supposed to-I think less of them. Maybe they were in a rush? Maybe they didn't see me? No. I don't even give them an excuse, I just get annoyed. Call this judgmental, because that's what I'm going to call it, I can't help it. These people always make me cringe.
4. I confess that I had a crush on Shia LaBeof....when he was on the Disney Channel playing in Even Stevens. All my friends made fun of me, but I stood firm. He was my childhood crush which I am not ashamed of. Well, okay maybe I could have chosen someone a little more "hunky" if you will, but I can't change who I thought was cute when I was eleven years old. So Shia it is.
5. I confess that when I'm in a car going by a cemetery, and people hold their breath, I only pretend to hold my breath. I don't actually participate.
6. I confess that I think too much about the past. It's definitely an issue and something I gotta work on. I dwell on my past mistakes more than I focus on my future.
7. I confess that when I began writing this post, the thought that it may be slightly sac religious went through my head, but I went on writin' it.
Maybe I will actually go to a confession booth soon.
Alright, alright...I confess that I'm not Catholic.
This confession will just have to suffice.
Until Next Time,
Snoodle Doodle Jr.
1. I confess that I want to be a writer. I don't know what kind exactly, but it would be so amazing to be a TV writer or just to write a novel. The catch? I don't want to write crap. Even if I had a great opportunity, I don't think I'd go through with it if my work was trash. I'd much rather have some dignity and respect.
2. I confess that my own governor pisses me off. Don't get me wrong, I agree with a lot of his views. I really do. BUT....he embarrasses me. He honestly truly embarrasses me. In philosophy class my professor- who is a complete socialist- always makes fun of Perry, and will always ask my input. I try to defend my governor on some levels, but it is becoming pretty difficult. I really think the man means well, he just becomes too extreme and scares people away with how he expresses his views.
3. I confess that every time a person doesn't hold the door open for me- when they clearly are supposed to-I think less of them. Maybe they were in a rush? Maybe they didn't see me? No. I don't even give them an excuse, I just get annoyed. Call this judgmental, because that's what I'm going to call it, I can't help it. These people always make me cringe.
4. I confess that I had a crush on Shia LaBeof....when he was on the Disney Channel playing in Even Stevens. All my friends made fun of me, but I stood firm. He was my childhood crush which I am not ashamed of. Well, okay maybe I could have chosen someone a little more "hunky" if you will, but I can't change who I thought was cute when I was eleven years old. So Shia it is.
5. I confess that when I'm in a car going by a cemetery, and people hold their breath, I only pretend to hold my breath. I don't actually participate.
6. I confess that I think too much about the past. It's definitely an issue and something I gotta work on. I dwell on my past mistakes more than I focus on my future.
7. I confess that when I began writing this post, the thought that it may be slightly sac religious went through my head, but I went on writin' it.
Maybe I will actually go to a confession booth soon.
Alright, alright...I confess that I'm not Catholic.
This confession will just have to suffice.
Until Next Time,
Snoodle Doodle Jr.
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