Winning

Here's another little something I should mention about myself.

I hate to lose more than I love to win.

This weekend my college team is playing in our conference championship tournament. We are seeded first and if we get first in the tournament we will get the opportunity to play in the NCAA tournament. So the pressure is on.

Lately I have been thinking about who I play for. I have devoted so much time to the sport that I play and I consider it a passion of mine. It is sadly what I know best and is second nature to me. I came to the conclusion that I play for four main groups. My family, my teammates, myself, and for God.

There are different reasons that fall into each category, but I suppose when it comes down to it, I play to win. I don’t always mean literally winning either. As confusing as it may seem, to me, winning can be little things. Like accomplishing what I wanted to do in a day, such as making a dinner that involves more than plain pasta with butter. Winning can be getting a sincere compliment from somebody unexpected. It can be learning something interesting about someone. Or it can be settling an argument and having that feeling of relief and ease.

So basically, I play to win for my parents, siblings, teammates, God etc. but not just in water polo. I want to win at everything and be a successful person, not only from a financial stand point but by my character as well, all so the people I care so much about can take some pride in me. It is an honor to play for others so I strive to make it an honor to have me as the competitor.

Regardless of what happens this weekend I am excited to play. Oh, and GREAT NEWS!...I will be seeing Mama and Papa Doodle this weekend for the first time in four months. Now that is winning :)

Until Next Time,

Snoodle Doodle Jr.

The Wishing Game

When the Doodle siblings are together, we tend to speak to one another in different accents. Our favorite is a British accent- easy, sounds pretty, and never gets old. My parents would laugh at us and occasionally play along. One day however, Papa Doodle asked us overheard us saying we wished we really had British accents.

Papa Doodle: "Don't wish that."

Big Doodle: "Why not?" (Obviously in British accent)

Papa Doodle then sat us down and I could tell he was going to say something "important". I was hoping it would be a cool story about the British, but instead he explained something much more unexpected.

Papa Doodle: "You shouldn't wish for things you can't have. You can never change four main things. Where you were born, what time period you are from, who your parents are, and who your family is. Do not wish to have anything different because there is nothing you can do about it. You can pretend to have a different accent and think it's cool, but don't wish for anything different than what you are given."

Me: "Whatever you say Papa Doodle!" (British accent)

I'm not sure if I actually thought about it directly after Papa Doodle told us that, but I definitely have been thinking of his little speech lately.

There are so many instances where we all wish we were different. We have all wished we were from somewhere else, had different talents, had different parents, have had more or different opportunities etc. But what Papa Doodle was trying to say to us that day, I think at least, is that we should not waste or time wishing for things we can not change. Instead, we should play with the cards we are dealt with and  call the bluffs, have patience, and try our best to win the game.

And occasionally, we should speak in British accents too.

Until Next Time,

Snoodle Doodle Jr.

Mind Thinking

One embarrassing and unfortunate problems of Snoodle Doodle Jr. is that she has trouble forming words when she speaks.

I don't know what it is, but I will honestly just say the dumbest, most incoherent things you will ever hear in your life.The letters clumsily rush out of my mouth and stumble into words, creating a giant mess with the sentences. Words are awkwardly running into one another or not grouping together properly. Whether it be words that I created by mushing them together unintentionally, or simply saying ridiculous sentences that don't even make sense, the words are generally not smooth when speaking orally. 

Not too long ago Koto brought me breakfast while I was still asleep. (A keeper I tell you) In the morning, my talking is probably at its weakest, which means it's the most painful to listen to. After I ate, I still lounged in bed with my eyes closed looking like I didn't have a care in the world, even though I had to be somewhere in ten minutes. After a polite first hint by Koto that I may need to get a move on, and I remained still, he suggested again I get out of bed and ready for my day. With my eyes still closed, I quickly shushed him.

Me: "Shhh I'm busy."

Koto: "Uh..you are?"

Me: "Yes, give me a second."

Koto: "What exactly are you busy doing?"

Me: "I'm mind thinking."

Solid three second pause.

Koto: "As opposed to what other type of thinking?"

He had a point. Truth is, I just said the first thought that came to mind, which clearly didn't work out in an actual sentence that one would say out loud. I went on to defend myself by explaining I was mentally picking out what I was going to wear that day, so that I didn't have to literally get out of my bed to cost anymore of my precious energy.

Fortunately for me, I didn't feel too embarrassed by my unintelligent new phrase I made up, and it has actually been a new joke between a few of my friends and I. Turns out "Mind thinking" has come up many a time in my conversations now.

Friend: "What should we do for Eureka's birthday?"

Me: "Let me mind think and get back to you."

Stuff like that.

I was always taught to guard my tongue, think before I speak etc. While this is great advice, and I agree with it on many levels, sometimes spitting out what first comes to mind has its advantages. You can get a good laugh, convey a lot of honesty, and maybe even make up a new phrase. I wonder which approach I would be better off with.

I'll have to mind think on that one.

Until Next Time,

Snoodle Doodle Jr.

Old Wounds

When I was a little girl, I was the type of kid that like to play outside all the time. Everyday I was out soaking up the Texas sun and playing with the neighborhood friends. Playing outdoors had its cost though. There were numerous times I would fall down or get hurt in some way, whether it be a small scratch or a bloody disaster.

Today, as odd as this may sound, I was inspecting one of my oldest and biggest scars on my right knee. I couldn't help but smile thinking of how I earned it. I was riding on my bike in Arkansas, going down a hill standing with one foot on the bike seat, the other high in the air as if I were an ice skater, while my hands were holding on to the handle bars. For a few moments I held a strong pose (and did not look as graceful as the ice skaters do mind you) but when I tried to come back down I was going too fast to hold my balance, and I fell onto the cement road. I was left with gashes, bruises, and scratches of all sorts, and the biggest mark made was on my right knee.

That tumble down the hill was years ago and the scar, which once was about the size of my knee, is smaller and has faded to where it is barely noticeable.

Lately I have been picking at old wounds. The problem is, the wounds are still fresh and haven't had time to heal like the scar on my knee has. They are not wounds that are barely detectable at first glance, but wounds that still have color to them. Injuries that I have experienced within a year.

Although I am dating and love my boyfriend Koto, I still have had trouble with my ex, Deedle. Whenever I am home, and I happen to run into him, we attempt to be civil. We say our pleasantries and move on. The problem is, my wound with Deedle is still young. No, it's not fresh and my love with Koto has been like ointment to my injury, but it still feels as if someone is attempting to reopen that wound which I have waited what has seemed so long to heal. It is not like I still love Deedle or that I want to be with him. I just feel that bitterness between us and it simply makes me sad.

Another wound that is fresh and will still continue to bleed occasionally is my dear friend Mr. Don, who is no longer here. I know this will simply take time, but every now and then something probes that wound and I feel like it will never stop bleeding.

The good news is, like the injury on my knee, these wounds will heal and become scars. Scars are a funny thing.  At first you hate the wound, you are hurt and upset. Some take more time then others, but eventually we almost forget it's there. A scar starts to take place, and there are those moments where you stare for minutes, memorizing the shape while you think of how it all began. Then, some scars you barely notice, and if you do it's just a part of who you are. It will always be there and you learn to accept that.

Our wounds are how we learn, and reopening them is how we grow even if that's difficult. Our injuries and problems come with each passing year, and we use that experience to move forward into the new year.

Looking back on 2011, I experienced wounds that I can't help but flinching a little still when I think about them. But I will use all of the pain and hurt I had to prepare for the new year.

So, 2011 I believe a thanks is in order...you gave me some heartache and trouble, but you also gave me great blessings. I have fallen in love, gotten a better idea of what I want to do in life, gotten closer to my loved ones, and learned several lessons that I will keep with me always.You have prepared me for next year and the ones following.

Farewell 2011, I move forward and anticipate the arrival of 2012. One day you will be remembered as the year that left me with old wounds.


Until Next Time,


Snoodle Doodle Jr.

So Long Dear Friend

Mr. Don is officially out of this world. He died December 12th, and I fortunately was able to make it to his funeral. It was a beautiful service at the Veterans funeral home, but it was also the saddest thing I've ever been to. He would have loved it though.

At the end of the service several people I hadn't seen in a while came up to talk to me. We reminisced about Mr. Don and how great he was, and it made me realize how impacting of a person he was. To many, it may seem he was just your typical southern man that liked to hunt, fish, and drink beer. But he was such an amazing friend and all who knew him loved him.

His wife also spoke to me at the end of the service and asked if I come by her house before I go back to school to pick up a present I gave him when I was a little girl. It was a small sculpture of a mountain man, since that's what Mr. Don always thought he was. He said he was born a hundred years too late. She told me he wanted me to have it. His granddaughter who I use to play with all the time, gave me a yellow rose that was placed on the casket, and we exchanged a hug and a look but no words were spoken.

The only person who I didn't know that spoke to me after the funeral was the funeral director. She told me that Mr. Don and his wife spoke highly of me and I was brought up several times. She also said Mr. Don viewed me as a daughter.

His funeral, the people and their words, and that yellow rose all about broke my heart. There are random moments where I just start to tear up, even at the most unusual times. I know he wouldn't want me to be sad, and he'd want me to go on and live up my Christmas holidays but it is so difficult. I just miss my friend.

Life will continue on though, and the best I can do is make him proud. I think of him in heaven, happy and singing with his friendly southern drawl making all sorts of friends there. And even though there is no beer in heaven, I'll pretend he's sitting back with a can in his hand and smiling down on me.

So long Mr. Don, I love you and will always miss you.

Until Next Time,

Snoodle Doodle Jr.

The Good Books

One of the best things ever, is when the book that you are currently reading is so good that you don't want to do anything else but read it. You read it at work, you read it during class, you take it to you wherever you go even though you know you won't be able to read any of it. That book that you stay up reading at night when you had a long day and you're exhausted, have another early morning and long day ahead of you, but you still continue to stay up in the dim light and read.

I haven't had one of those books in a while I feel. Maybe it's because I don't read as often as I use to, and I don't have as much opportunity to get many of those good books. Even still, I haven't read a good solid book in a while. It has left me feeling grumpy,antsy, and I can't wait to get my hands on one.

I'm missing the good books. Fingers crossed, I'll get a hold of one soon.


Until Next Time,

Snoodle Doodle Jr.

Our Things

Every person has their own "thing" or two that, without it, they have trouble functioning.

Take Big Doodle for example. If he does not write, he literally gets stressed out. Grouchy, antsy, nervous even. His "thing" that he can't do without is writing.(No exaggeration)

Mama Doodle's "thing" is reading. Without a good ol' book to read before bedtime, Mama Doodle probably could not fall asleep (No exaggeration)

Little Doodle's "thing" that she can't do without is a literal item. Her cell phone. She not only would cry without her little baby, but crawl to her room and cry herself to sleep. (Maybe a little exaggeration)

Snoodle Doodle Jr. has a few "things" I suppose, but the main one is working out. If I do not work out I get anxious, cranky, moody, annoyed, you name it. I have certainly gotten better over the years I will say, mainly because I don't have as much time to work out, and my body has adjusted to it. A few years ago, I would toss and turn at night when I did not get exercise. I was in a sport all my life, and in high school my main sports were waterpolo and swimming. With sports, working out was obviously part of the job, so I would kill two birds in one stone during practice- I would get my work out in so I could ease my nerves, and I would get better at my sport. Now that I'm in college I still play a sport, but in the off season we are not allowed as many hours as we were in high school. This means every other type of exercise we wish to do, we must do on our own.(No exaggeration)

This past Thanksgiving break, although amazing in so many ways, I did not do a lick of exercise. I went five days without working out in any sort of way or form. Now, I may sound whiny and all, but this has left me with so much anxiety and jitters that is hard to explain. Thinking back on it, it was my own fault and I should have gotten off my lazy butt and done something productive.

Then again, I think sometimes we do need a break from our little "things" that we rely on so much. Yes, it is good to work out,read, or write. But it is also good to sit back and focus on other perspectives in life. Like a family who I don't get to see but every six months, and loves me so much. Or my boyfriend who was accepted and well liked by my parents who can be hard to please.

And it is nice, sometimes, and only sometimes, to not work out and instead relax. To not move for a moment and just think of all the good in life. No exaggeration.

Until Next Time,

Snoodle Doodle Jr.